Where Do We Go Now That our Love has Been Tainted?
I laid in the bed, exhausted from staying up all night, pondering about the letter I got from Brandon Hemp. Before I could move onto the next thought of him, there was a knock at my bedroom door.
“Can I come in?”
“If you have that nasty ass soup in your hands again, no.”
She laughed hysterically, “Haley, shut up. Can I come in?”
“I am so serious Bel. All I had was an anxiety attack. That does not require soup.”
“Okay, okay. I’ll take the soup back.”
I placed my head back on my pillow and continued staring at the ceiling. “Should I meet with him? What if something happens to another one of my girls?” I thought to myself.
Again, my internal ramblings were interrupted with my knocks on my door.
“Haley, can I come in now?
“Is the soup is gone?”
She sighed a “Yes,” out of frustration.
“Then yes. You can come in, Bel.”
She opened my bedroom door, and crawled into bed with me, handing me a bouquet of flowers.
“These are for you.”
“Isobel, are those from…”
“No, no! They’re not from Brandon Hemp… These are from Mike.”
I couldn’t believe that she just uddered the name ‘Mike,’ “What?!!” I demanded loudly.
“He just came by. He heard you were in the hospital and dropped them off.”
“He didn’t ask to come in?”
“Mmm, no… Did you want him to?”
I smirked embarrassingly, “No, it’s good he didn’t.”
“I haven’t heard from him in a while. I thought you guys were it for one another.”
“Me too. I loved him more than I realized. It was truly a love so pure, and it took someone like me, to tank something that good.”
“You never went into full detail about it, what happened to you guys?”
“I mean, we’ve talked about my life and my childhood. Before him, all I knew was pain and misfortune. There was constant abuse… You know, specifically from men.”
“So how did that affect your relationship? You were so in love with him.”
“I know, but I didn’t realize my worth. I wasn’t always this person I am now Bel. You know this. I found my confidence in people fawning over me. He came along and was so genuine, and I just knew it was all a scheme and that he was playing me—I was waiting for the day where he’d use me as everyone else did. So I entertained everyone else while waiting for him to hurt me. Childish, right?”
“Wow, why didn’t I know this?”
“No one did. He kept forgiving me, and I kept fucking up. I just didn’t realize that it was me or that I needed to deal with my demons. I needed to find confidence in myself instead of within others… I was just insecure.”
I awkwardly chuckled after bell reached over and hugged me. She then abruptly smacked my shoulder.
“Ouch,” I yelped surprised.
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I didn’t know there was even a problem to tell about,” I shrugged nonchalantly.” Come on. You’ve met my family. Everyone cheats and lies, and so it came naturally to me… When I realized I wanted better for myself, it was too late, and he just couldn’t forgive me anymore. I lied so much that when I really tried, he didn’t believe it. His love for me turned into anger and resentment, and though it hurt, I understood.”
“If he’s so angry with you, why the hell would he bring his ass here?”
“He really loved me, Bel… and deep down he probably still does. I broke his heart into a million pieces over and over again… you can’t just bounce back from that so easily.”
“I guess so. It doesn’t make sense on why he’d still be nice if he’s so angry with you.”
“To be honest, I don’t get that either. Men are complicated and are more emotional than females. They project it in the most horrible ways. He used to get so nasty at the mouth because he was so angry with me, but he probably doesn’t know what to believe.”
“True, I second that. Ty is so confusing, but I get the feeling of not knowing what to feel. Your heart wants something, but you know in your mind that your heart is wrong as hell. It’d be stupid to keep doing the same thing when the outcome was always the same. But Haley, love is a gamble—you either give in to it and take the risk or abandon it. I’m glad you were strong enough to let him go, you both needed to heal.”
“It wasn’t easy at all because I truly did love him, and I wanted him to see that. I was sorry. I admit that I didn’t fully understand how bad my actions were at first but when I got it, I got it.”
We both sighed in relief.
“Trust me, I know.”
My cheeks widen with the thought of him inside of me.
“The sex was great though.”
“Lol, stoooop it,” she nudged me right before I poked her back.
“Noo, seriously. There was this one night in bed before we broke up and he was so gentle with me but rough at the same time. His lips pressed against each inch of my spine, and his tongue trailed back up it so precisely. The feel of his breath and lips against my spine made me yell out the most intense moans. When he reached the top of my spine, he’d kiss the side of my neck and slide in me from behind while letting out a deep moan in my ear. His hand slid over my waist and down to my clit. With every stroke, he’d twirl his middle finger.”
“Damn, you fucked up,” she responded jokingly.
“Yeah… I just wish I got the chance to apologize. It was…” before I could finish my sentence, there was another knock on my door. Bel and I both looked at one another in a fright.
“Ty? That’s you?” I asked nervously.
“Yea it’s me… don’t sound so worried.”
“Oh gosh. Come in. You scared us. I thought you were out to lunch with your mom.”
“I was,” his eyes were red, and he paused before continuing, “until a messenger gave me this.”
He handed me a letter with a single sunflower. “Is this from…” He anticipated my question and answered “yes,” before I could finish.